Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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