Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
