Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This baby is an asshole
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
