I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
