I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
