The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he fucked my hip out of place.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
