Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
