Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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