no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
