The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
