I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize