dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
