i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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