i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's never too late to be topless.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
