Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
