oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
