operation harelip BJ is a go
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
