Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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