he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
