I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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