I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
