Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
