My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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