There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
