I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize