Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My penis needs a shock collar
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
