piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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