oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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