I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
