I'm eating all of the evidence.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
