He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
