Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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