I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
