I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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