Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
