we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
