On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
