I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize