wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
