i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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