You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
