You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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