I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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