just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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