Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
