I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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