im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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