Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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