I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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