I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
