i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just invented taco cereal.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
