Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
