it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My vagina just recognized that song.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
