He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
