I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
this just has baby written all over it
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
