in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
