I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
