Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
