do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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