perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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