I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize