Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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