We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
