I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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