i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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